Inarticulations

My right knee has given me issues for years, so I'm kinda used to it always being in pain, but this Sunday I was trying to do a side-by-side spiral/deep inside edge hold with Fab Skater Person, and hurt it. So actually, we did a perfect one, and then Coach Z was like, 'OMG show the rest of the class', which naturally meant I froze and fucked up, and took Fab Skater Person down with me (YAY). I tried to slow the fall to not hurt her, and ended up landing on the top of my knee cap, so every time anything touches it, it's really sore/sensitive, but at least not swollen up so it should be fine in a few days.

But still. WHY DO I DO THIS FFS

Coach Z's class is meant to be putting on a group synchro type thing for the club exhibition, which is all good and well, but we have a huge variety of age, ability, and height in the group, which does make the logistics a wee painful. I'm smack in the middle in terms of everything, as usual.  I am the most MOR person. But if I can just not fluff this stupid spiral, the one Fab Skater Person and I put together looked really awesome because we did an S curve with us swapping spirals.

But now it's Monday....

Anyway, I am feeling super unmotivated to do anything today. Last night while I was trying to fall asleep I told myself I'd (re)install couchto5k and start running again, and then this morning I was all lol nope.

Ugh, maybe I should just get started. Day 1 is easy enough that the dog can do it too, and I can kill 2 birds etc.

Basically, I've been stressing because I know I need more skating practice but I can hardly afford what I do now, so I need to up my off-ice workouts significantly, and running is good for the endurance aspect. Also, free.

*casts resurrection spell* 

May this blog live once more!

in the name of cheeses we we ask you to bring this blog back from the dead. Heal this blog, oh sweet baby cheeses!

hi.

i have a new house since the last post. It’s not the one I was talking about. I’ve been in it for about 9 months.

I am still working on a decent loop jump.

so....I guess that’s this journal updated then.

 So it turns out that “A Green Silk Dress and a Wedding Death” made Ellen Datlow’s honourable mentions list, which is pretty cool. 

It never occurred to me to check for my name, so I found out via a tweet from The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction (who published the story originally). Yay for me and for editor Charlie Finlay!

In skating stuff, my coach has told me I’m a good skater and I need to stop beating myself up when I get things wrong. We’re trying to deal with my self-destructive perfectionist streak, so that is probably very good for me to focus on in general.

Also I showed her my salchow and toe loop, and she was very happy, so now we begin fine tuning and correcting. I told her I wanted to work on backward cross rolls, so we did, and my ankles feel like they have been through a grinder because holding those outside edges and stepping backwards into another outside edge is way fucking harder than it sounds hahaha

shes also got me practicing going into a wee man and coming back up while In a 2 foot spin, so I can start learning the movement for a sit spin. Also, yay tea pots! So I spent the last ten minutes of the skate practice sliding around on my arse. I really really need to start practicing one leg squats off ice or I’m never going to have the leg and core strength for a proper sit spin.

i solemnly swear to do my squats, your honour.

It's the hottest summer in Scotland since 1976, and the Brits are Not Coping. To be fair to them, their houses are designed to retain heat, unlike the ice boxes I've lived in in Cape Town. So a constant temp of 25C means the upper stories (where bedrooms normally are) basically become heat boxes where you sit covered in a fine sheen of sweat at all times. Also, UK houses (like SA houses) don't have air con. It's just not a thing here the way it is in the USA.

Yesterday I walked the Spawn and Dog down to the little beach by North Queensferry, which is a fair distance, but once we go there, we had the place to ourselves. As soon as she was let off lead, Sanni raced into the water and went swimming through the waves. The Spawn also went in the water (well done them, the Firth of Forth is not exactly balmy). We ate bananas and choc biscuits we picked up in Inverkeithing on the way, waded, and generally relaxed. At about 11 other people started arriving so we left, because we hate Other Humans.



The day before that I dug up my first ever batch of potatoes, and we've been eating them, and they are so so delicious. Alll I can say is that next year I will learn how to do this properly, because it's so rewarding.

Today I used the squishy remaining bananas and the raspberries from the garden to make banana raspberry muffins, which is unfortunate because they are very nice so I've already had two, still warm from the oven.

Today we have rain, so the respite from the dry heat is very soothing. it's like the world is being gently misted. My laundry is also being gently misted, which is a slight pain, but there you go. Wet laundry or dead grass. Them's your choices, kids.

I've also finally started watching Black Sails agin with B, picking up where we left off. I initially stopped watching because it was rapey and just tits and ass, but I've been informed it gets better, so I started again at ep 7, where I left off. There does appear to e more story now, and while the T&A still exists because why else will men watch tv i guess? At least the really rapey stuff seems done.

It is amusing to me how SOUTH AFRICAN the show sounds. Like, I know it's because half the cast is SA and it's filmed in Cape Town, but it always makes me do a double take with the accents. Even the ones who have 'other accents', I know if they're south african by that weird flat way we speak. Blood is a pretty good indicater. SA's say it like 'bludd', and it's really obvious alongside other accents.

Anyway, end random patter. The rain is actually coming down quite hard now, and I have to go fetch the Younger Spawn from a sleepover with her bestie, so YAY A FREE ENERGISING SHOWER!

After a lot of paperwork and stress (and no small amount of money), the doggo is finally with us. She was not at her happiest when she saw us, and I was worried that she'd forgotten who we are.

No worries there. As soon as she was home with all of us, and the trauma of her long journey over, she was back to her cuddly, idiotic self. What a difference a dog makes in the family. Yesterday I had a headache, so i took painkillers and went to nap in the afternoon. Woke up to find a furry golden monster snuggled up to me (she's technically not allowed on our bed hahahahaha), and it was just this rush of unconditional love, and I felt so good. Dogs are so less judgey than humans.



This morning I decided to try something a little more abstract artwise, and painted this landscape on my ipad. It was kinda fun doing it this way, as I didn;t have to worry about being  perfectionist, just play. So that was a good start, and I followed that up witha  breakfast of banana, sweet emlon, raspberries from the garden, and a dollop of coconut cream, and it was a perfect breakfast. Now for some coffee, and then I will take Sanni out for a walk and see if the garden needs volunteers today.

There is sun in Scotland!!!!

No idea how long it will last but gosh this country is pretty in the sun.

Weekend was a bit odd. T and I went to count bumblebees only we couldn't find the place on the map. I mean, we could find it on the map but not in real life. :( So we bought chocolate and went home instead.

Skating was pretty cool. I took it easy but I was very proud of myself for not beating me up when I made mistakes, and I could feel the progress I was making, so that felt good. :D

I made some pretty tasty 'energy balls' for the school lunchboxes today. They're basically oats, peanut butter and some trail mix and sugar mixed in a blender and made into balls, but ngl they are so tasty I'm kinda jello of the kids. I've also been cleaning the house in prep for this damn inspection on Wednesday. I'm feeling pretty fragile at the moment, and all my joints hurt, which is making going up and down the stairs a mission. (I even hurt when sitting so it's ehhhhhh kak).

One thing I did do that was positive was buy myself that software I've been trialling, but my pen needs charging so I didn't get to use it today. Hopefully I'll be able to start a piece tomorrow. Still deciding what to do.hhhmmmm Maybe some Sherlockian fanart?

T has gone off to her very first football practice, which she has been so excited to do since playing goalie at school last week. (it was the first time she layed football). Apparently she was a very good goalie and "even the boys" were impressed. I totally get how being good at something makes you want to do it, so I really hope she has fun today.
 

I've discovered a rather enjoyable series of 14 minute myth clips related to the afterlife (Look! All my buttons pinged!) that I'm listening to. Great story fodder and I love how myths and religions have all these interlinking stories and ideas.

BBC STORIES FROM THE AFTERLIFE

In less cool news, Younger Spawn has been sick and in pain for ages, and the doc has no idea what it is. She's in constant abdominal pain, and keeps vomiting up frothy mucus. The child hasn't gone to school for a week, with no end in sight. I am so sad for her, and scared. I wish I could fix her. I haveen't been talking about this much because I have no idea what is going on, and I'm pretty stressed. It comes on the back of Elder Spawn's never-ending flu and post nasal drip cough.

Children. Wy are they always ill?

Yesterday was my third coaching session. I'm really getting a thorough re-education hahaha. After the lesson, M said she has really enjoyed coaching me, which is always a nice thing to hear. My guess is because even though I am a slow learner, I work on the things I'm told to work on, and I do keep trying to improve and follow instructions. While attempting backward crossover entry to a spin, I crashed straight into Danger Brian, who was doing the same thing. I have done something terribly stupid to my knee. I've bandaged it up with support bandage so I can at least walk, which is a good thing since I need to get YS to the doc later.

In writing, I broke my short story drought and wrote a 3k piece for an anthology. I don't even care if it doesn't get accepted, I'm just thrilled I wrote something new. Turns out I hadn't subbed a story sinc August 2016. God nows when I last *wrote* a short!

My AlphaBee reader sent me the following message, "Oh my god. It is beautiful. The softer your writing becomes the deeper it cuts. yeesh." which made me feel all kinds of good.

Seriously. it might be time for me to go on strike. I can ask people to do things, I can make word sounds come out of my mouth, and it's like I'm invisible. I am so fucking tired of it.

Make food, call people to eat, they ignore me and the food goes cold on the counter. Then they tell me they're hungry. JESUS CHRIST.

I am done.

*deep calming breaths*

Basically I feel like crying all the time, and like I'm not even a human being. Just a slave that's expected to run around after people reminding them to do basic things like put their clothes in the wash or their dishes in the sink, or their snotty tissues in the bin.

I need to focus on something positive right now, but I'm feeling low and I can't think of anything.

So on Sunday when we went in to skate, the car died (luckily very close to Murrayfield, so we just managed to limp into the car park). We figured, on the plus side, we'd at least get to skate.

Lol nope. We attempted dance class (in which coach Robert was like LOL WTF WHY ARE YOU SO AWFUL TODAY (I love him as a coach, he pulls no punches. He basically said, i'm going to pick on you today, and I said "because I'm shite?" and he said yes), then did some Exhibition practice, then had to go home because Younger Spawn was sick.

Anyway, we also had to abandon our car in Edinburgh and get a train home. So yeah.

Anyway, ffwd to Tuesday, and we go in (hoping the car is still there), to get it towed to a mechanic. Yay! Car is still there! Ya! Mechanic fetches it! Yay! We are at Murrayfield so might as well skate, yes? :D YES.

It was lovely and quiet so B and I decided to practice some of our dances, and try get this goddamn awful crossroll to three turn on the waltz right. Everything is going swimmingly, until I catch my toepick (on prelim foxtrot of all things) and go down hard (on my bad knee. OF COURSE.) I think my resounding "fuuuuuuuuuuuck!" was heard throughout the rink. :P

So I hop off the ice for a bit, then carry on skating so it doesn't stiffen up. All is okay. An hour later I walk up to bus stop. Things are ow, especially the stairs, but bearable. Bus is fine, until we are caught in accident traffic and my knee starts to stiffen up and hurt like cray. Finally we get home, by which time I am limping, and laughing from the pain.

Cue tramadol and Battlestar Galactica and hot water bottle.

Today my knee has full range of motion, so I'm not worried, but gah. I hate hurting myself.

Also, i woke up to find Ursula K. le Guin has passed, and along with Tanith Lee, she was one of my major writing heroes. i dunno why, I just assumed she would live forever.

So. That was crap.

eh

eh

eh

I think the cold and the short days are getting to me, and it's not even December yet. Woops!

I had things I was going to say but eh who cares. I'm going to nap instead.